some late late night BD thoughts

well, checking through some stuff, I was wondering why I hadn't heard anything from a certain list I'm on (very quietly on, long ago invited by the owner for who knows what reason), and it turns out the bouncing from the switchover shut it down until now...and wouldn't it be the funniest thing that yet again, there's gibberish about "drawing lines in the sand" and tons of mutual cock-sucking of the small-minded, but largely bigoted of the BD world? You know what? I hope a herd of camels pisses on your line in the sand. Make a sand castle with that, cause it would be more authentic that way. I don't care who you think you are or what your opinion is and you all are entitled to it, but I'm angry at such blatant displays of close-minded bitchiness. I can't help it. It just pisses me off, and I suppose then it's only fair that whatever I support likewise gets sand in your bedlah, and I'll be content with that. Cause I'm about to unlease a whole sandstorm.

As for me...I've only been doing this now for about 4 years actively, and I know there's so much room for improvement, but I'm happy at the pace I'm going, and I'm confident that I will continue to improve. I can be critical of myself in a balanced way, and I can take both valid criticism and praise from others (though I do have a harder time with accepting praise, and I'm not sure why). My hope is for those who see what I do, see the potential---which is what I do in others. I'm not striving for anything but to be me, and to express what inspires me---that's what is authentic in any dance----will, ambition,expression and execution of an idea. I'm pleased that folks from the Middle East (particularly women, and I think that counts more, cause men will be more apt to compliment anything with boobs and a booty) tell me I'm "very good" and they want to know more about me....that credits Azar, and even back to Sabra/Nourhan a bit...I'm not particularly trying to emphasize that...again, I'm just being me, and doing what feels right. But it does go to show that even if I'm offending the Ethnic Police, the natives are still appreciating what I'm doing, and recognize it. Guess that still makes it belly dance then, huh?

Go fig.

And Pluto is in Retrograde, for whatever the fuck that means.

some ambitions...

besides the normal need to do stuff..

-get contacts in the next two weeks, hopefully find a good eye doctor who gives a damn
-do some serious, physical design work (art, costuming, just do it)
-take a break from Fridays by May, if not sooner...I need time for me (more specifically, the artist needs time), I need to be selfish...I'm walking the path where my creativity is about to be fruitful in multiple ways, and I can't be killing myself on the side, giving pieces away like this. And people will have to deal. I know part of this is the mood I'm in, but it does go deeper, and something has to bend.

Keith is on the verge of getting the sound system together, and shortly after, a better comp system...this is very good. Between this, and what's unfolding, there's many beautiful things ahead. I just want to have the energy and desire to do them.

I don't think that's too much to ask for at 25.